21 Quick Reviews! (Including Sicario, The Martian, and a whole bunch more).

despicable_me_2_minions-1920x1080Hello, loyal, dedicated, and movie-loving followers of mattywkelley.com. (all 3 of you).

It’s been some time since I last posted a review. I feel I owe you an explanation.

Truth be told, I’ve fallen in love. Good, clean love, (without utensils!). She’s a beautiful woman, stunning on the eyes, and quite a passionate and generous love-maker. She has an incredible body, mesmerizing eyes, and legs that go on for days. And she is incredibly smart. FINALLY, I’ve met someone who is of similar intellect as myself.  I’ve hit the jackpot with this one. Continue reading 21 Quick Reviews! (Including Sicario, The Martian, and a whole bunch more).

Jurassic World

Jurassic-World-The-GameIf you were to come up to me on the street and ask me if Jurassic World was a fresh, new, original film to see this summer, I would reply to you with the famous line that Newman (from Seinfeld) said in the original Jurassic Park…. “uh-uh-uh… uh-uh-uh… uh-uh-uh.”

No, this movie is far from original, yet it’s so close to the original… As a matter of fact, it IS the original! Continue reading Jurassic World

Mad Max: Fury Road

0514_Hardy-Fury

Mad Max (1979), The Road Warrior (1981), and even Mad Max: Beyond The Thunderdome (1985) were all intense films back in their days. They portrayed a post apocalyptic wasteland of a planet that consisted of thugs, lunatics, and lemmings who would follow their leader to their death if given the order to do so.

These films also had a hero. Albeit a man who didn’t want to be a hero. There was always Max… Mad Max.

Over the years these films developed a cult following. Partly because of the writer/director’s vivid imagination (George Miller), and partly because of the fierce acting of a young, rugged, and fiery Mel Gibson. Continue reading Mad Max: Fury Road

The Avengers: Age of Ultron

Avengers_Age_Of_Ultron-poster1“The Avengers: Age of Ultron” is NOT the best superhero movie ever. It’s the fourth best superhero movie ever.

The best superhero movie ever is The Dark Knight, followed by The Avengers, after that it’s Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, THEN Age of Ultron.

Now don’t try to explain to me that I am incorrect here, because I am not. I know there are plenty of you that think that Green Lantern or Spawn may be better than Superbabies, but you’d be wrong. I’ve done the math and 85% of the time I am correct, 70% of the time I am wrong, 35% of the time you are correct, 60% of the time you don’t care what I think, and 75% I don’t care what you think… Which adds up to 100% of the time I am correct.

See, it’s simple math. Continue reading The Avengers: Age of Ultron

Ex Machina

ex_machina_ver4Merriam Webster’s definition of Ex Machina:
a character or thing that enters the story in a novel, play, or movie, etc., and solves a problem that had previously seemed impossible to solve.

Matty’s definition of the same term, (before I looked it up):
Ex Machina: (Spanish); an ex-machine.

Clearly, I had no idea of what this film was about before going in. As a matter of fact, I wasn’t even pronouncing it correctly. I thought it was pronounced “Ex-machine-ah.” Yeah, I kind of looked dumb when I was purchasing my ticket.

Hey, what do I know. I’m not a linguist. I’m the Second Best Movie Reviewer in the World. If Mr. Merriam Webster wants to have a sit down with Mr. Movie Reviewer I’ll gladly school him on everything movie related… and he can learn me every single word in the dictionary.

But until then I’m sticking with movies. Continue reading Ex Machina

Furious Seven

Paul walker

“You know, all that really matters is that the people you love are happy and healthy. Everything else is just sprinkles on the sundae.” -Paul Walker

My name is Matty W. Kelley and I’m a movie reviewer. I don’t think I’m the best movie reviewer in the world, but I KNOW that I am the second best movie reviewer in the world. And that’s a pretty darned good achievement if I do say so myself.
I have always stated that there is only ONE movie reviewer on this entire planet that is better than me. Now, that is up to you to decide who that one person is. But I can absolutely, positively, without a doubt, guarantee you, that I, Matty W. Kelley, am the SECOND BEST MOVIE REVIEWER IN THE WORLD. Continue reading Furious Seven

Chappie

chappie-poster-teaser“I am conscious. I am alive. I am Chappie.”

“Chappie” is a beautifully made film with an excellent story about morality, mortality, and possible immortality.

Written and directed by (relative) newcomer, Neill Blomkamp, this is a story that makes you open your mind to the possibilities of the transference of one’s conscience to another vessel. (or to dumb it down for you: to move your mind to another body so you may live on forever and ever.) Continue reading Chappie

The Mattys 2015: “Best Picture”

golden noseDirector:

“Ok everyone, let’s get ready for the final scene! This is it! The martini shot! Time to air Matty’s biggest “Big Nose” of the night! Let’s make this finale a great one!
Cue the cameramen! Cue the Production and Art Departments! Cue the grips! Cue the Best Boy! Q the Bert! And most importantly, cue the P.A.s! We need those G.D. P.A.s, stat!
Ok Matty, you’re on! Let’s do this!

And remember, I love you. I always have.”

“Go for Matty in 3… 2… 1…”

(Matty stares mesmerized at his female director).

Matty:

“Huh??? Um… Ok… we’re back…

(Matty again stares oddly at his director).

I mean, WE’RE BACK!
Here we are, back at The Matty Awards! And what a show it has been so far! We’ve given out a lot of Golden Noses tonight, and we’re not done yet. We still have to give out our Biggest Beak of the evening: “Best Picture.” Continue reading The Mattys 2015: “Best Picture”