If you were to come up to me on the street and ask me if Jurassic World was a fresh, new, original film to see this summer, I would reply to you with the famous line that Newman (from Seinfeld) said in the original Jurassic Park…. “uh-uh-uh… uh-uh-uh… uh-uh-uh.”
No, this movie is far from original, yet it’s so close to the original… As a matter of fact, it IS the original!
Jurassic World picks up about twenty-two years after the devastation that took place at the park when Dr. John Hammond was running the show. The park has been re-built to harvest more dinosaurs, attract more tourists, and rake in as much money as it possibly can.
Does that sound familiar to you? Well it is. It is the story of the original.
It seems like someone (including the actors) needed to make some serious coinage, so they decided to reboot a classic film. Unfortunately, they did NOTHING at all with the script. It’s almost as if the writers of this film took the original draft and slightly updated it… Slightly.
In this version, instead of a young sister and brother going to the park (without parents, mind you) and checking out the attractions, it’s two young brothers checking out the park (without parents, mind you). Instead of velociraptors escaping their cage and tearing the island apart, it’s a hybrid dinosaur called Indominus Rex, (a dino forged in a lab) that’s ripping people limb from limb. And instead of Dr. John Hammond shutting down the park when there’s a major malfunction in the system, it’s the park manager, Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) that initially refuses to shut it down.
Trust me, you’ve seen this movie before. But with this one you see a lame, watered down, poorly acted version of the original. There was no heart and soul to this film. To me, it seemed like the actors were just going through the motions. I didn’t feel an attraction between Claire and Owen (Chris Pratt), yet I was supposed to believe there was chemistry between them. The two young boys in the film must’ve tried hard, but I couldn’t connect with their characters either. The older brother would look at a dinosaur like it was a duck. I mean, I know that dinosaurs have been back on Earth for a whole 22 years now, but come on! Show some enthusiasm, it’s a friggin’ dinosaur for crying out loud!
Side note: What kind of parents must you be to send your young children to a LIVE dinosaur theme park? Unattended? When just 20 years ago a T-Rex mutilated an entire island of people! (And I haven’t even touched on Part 2 or Part 3 yet! Nothing good happens in those ones either!)
And finally, the main attraction: The dinosaurs. What can I say. Sure the CGI looked great, but I have seen every single one of these reptiles already. Nothing was new. Ok, one thing was new. The Indominus Rex was new. Do you want to know how new he was? He was a Tyrannosaurus Rex with longer arms… that’s it! It was like the CGI guys sat in a room and said, “Hmm, how do we make this dinosaur look more vicious?” “I got a great idea, let’s give him longer arms!” “Perfect! Done!” “Now let’s go steal a billion dollars from the movie going public!”
And that’s exactly what they are going to do. (This movie is going to make bank.)
Do you remember the line from the original Jarassic Park when the greedy lawyer says “We are gonna make a fortune with this.”
Well, that’s what the studio heads must’ve been saying when they green-lit this film.
This was a money grab and nothing more. No original thought was put into it.
Tis a shame that I say this right now: I was entertained. It did its job. I left the theatre somewhat satisfied…. but it was a very unoriginal film.
(2 out of 5 Giant Noses.)
Now go give these billionaires your money!
Matty W. Kelley, reporting.
mattywkelley.com
Fun Fact: Jurassic Park is one of Chris Pratt’s favorite films. He saw it on opening day at the cinema.
Fun Matty Fact: I cried the first time I saw Jurassic Park. It was at the scene when Sam Neill sees a dinosaur for the first time and he drops to the ground in amazement and awe.
Jurassic Park surely had heart and emotion.