Category: Movie Reviews

You Sank My ‘Battleship’

[xrr rating=3/5]
BattleshipActually, this movie will sink on its own.

Well, here we are. The unofficial summer movie season is upon us. Usually it would start up on Memorial Day weekend, but movie studios want to be the first ones out of the gate, so they jump the gun and release their big blockbusters early.

Look at “The Avengers.” Disney/Marvel released that film on May 4, three weeks before Memorial Day. That didn’t really matter though, because that film is so good, they could’ve released it during the blizzard of ’78 and people would’ve shovelled their way to the theatre just to see it.

Maybe the movie studio that made “Battleship” wanted to get a head start on the other competition and throw its film into theatres a week early. If you’re going to do that though, make sure you have a film that people are itching to see. Continue reading You Sank My ‘Battleship’

Let’s Go For A Ride

LetsGoForaRideRoller coasters and movies, just like chocolate and peanut butter, are two great things that go great together.

This review, (or whatever it is) was written the weekend of April 27… and finally touched up today. Sorry to my loyal and dedicated readers for any inconvenience. I love you all.

This past week has been a weak week for strong movies. But it has been a seemingly strong week for weak movies. With films like “The Raven” coming out, there really was no urge for me to rush out the theatre. Honestly, did you have a hankering to run out and see “The Five Year Engagement”? Nah, me neither.  Continue reading Let’s Go For A Ride

“Avenge me!”

[xrr rating=5/5]
AvengersI have seen the best movie of the year… so far. And it’s going to be really tough to knock this one off the top step.

That’s right, “The Avengers” is fantastic. And barring an incredible film sneaking up from out of nowhere and punching me in the face (like last year’s sneak-attack film “The Artist”), this movie will end up staying perched upon its pedestal, high above any other film.

Alright, sometimes I type without thinking. I know there will be other great films out there this year, (especially “The Dark Knight Rises”) but in the heat of the review, I usually get emotional about the film I’ve just seen.

“The Avengers” has it all. Great actors, great acting, great story, (great movie previews) and great special F/X. If you’re not getting my hint, this is a GREAT movie! Continue reading “Avenge me!”

‘Stooges’ a Slapstick Success

The-Three-Stooges-2012-Movie-Poster-2Should you go see the “Three Stooges?” Why, soitenly!

The “Three Stooges” hit theatres this past weekend, and it had itself a mighty impressive showing. Moe, Larry and Curly raked in some 17 million dollars, which was good enough for second place, losing out to the juggernaut known as “The Hunger Games.”

Not too bad for three ding-a-lings hitting themselves over the head with hammers for an hour and a half.

But I’m a professional movie reviewer and I need to let you know if this film was good. I’ve got to tell you if this film is family-friendly. And you’ve got to know if this film is anything like the old TV show from way back when.

Let’s get to it, I’m ready. Continue reading ‘Stooges’ a Slapstick Success

The Odds are Definitely in ‘Hunger Games’ Favor

[xrr rating=4.75/5]
HungerGamesYou’ve read all the other reviews. Now read the only one that matters.

I’M BACK!

What? You didn’t even know I was gone? Seriously, I’ve been gone for over two weeks! Didn’t anyone tell you that I was going on a business trip to the West Coast to gather information about the entertainment industry? No? Someone HAD to tell you that I was learning the ins and outs and all the secrets of Universal Studios! No? Are you kidding me?! Continue reading The Odds are Definitely in ‘Hunger Games’ Favor

Let’s Play Chess With ‘Brooklyn Castle’

BrooklynCastleLearn a little bit about chess, the public school system, and budget cuts.

A few months ago I received a private screening of the documentary film, “Brooklyn Castle.” Unfortunately, I had to wait to run my review of the movie until it premiered at the “South by SouthWest” film festival in Austin, Texas. Well, it premiered there this past week… and it opened to rave reviews. In fact, when the movie ended, it got a huge standing ovation from the crowd, and it picked up the “Audience Award,” which is voted on by the people. Yup, people, just like you and me! Also, Sony Pictures bought the rights to the remake of the film, and Scott Rudin (of “There Will Be Blood,” “The Social Network,” and “No Country For Old Men”) is tied in with producing the flick. Not too bad for a little doc-u about chess. But it’s so much more than that. Congratulations to EVERYONE who was involved in the making of this film. Read on to see what I thought about this film. And just to let you know, I have changed NOTHING from my review that I wrote over four months ago. I have the same feelings now as I did back then. Right on down to wanting Neal Flaherty’s fiancee. Enjoy. Continue reading Let’s Play Chess With ‘Brooklyn Castle’

‘Carter’ is a Planetary Disappointment

[xrr rating=3.25/5]
JohnCarterThe Sci-Fi spectacle, “John Carter” is lucky it even kept me in the theatre!

Science fiction… this is right in my wheelhouse. Hell, my nearest and dearest friends call me the “Sci-Fi Guy!”

So when I heard about a movie being made by Disney, about a man who travels to Mars to save the planet from a global civil war, well let me tell you, I was as giddy as a school girl. Continue reading ‘Carter’ is a Planetary Disappointment

‘Project X’ Somewhat Marks the Spot

ProjectXParty hardy, rock-n-roll! You know the rest.

It’s movie review time, so let’s get right to it.

“Project X.”

There are many movies out there in the celluloid stratosphere that suck. There are also many movies out there that are ground breaking originals. You have your masterpieces. You have your F/X littered extravaganzas. There are beautiful period pieces, and timeless fairy tales. You have something for everyone, and everyone loves something.

So where do I put “Project X?”

I don’t know. I put it in limbo. A movie Purgatory, if you will. It should belong somewhere… but I just don’t know where. Continue reading ‘Project X’ Somewhat Marks the Spot

A True ‘Act of Valor’

[xrr rating=4.75/5]
ActofValorI’m not a man. I’m not a man at all… These men are men.

The Oscars are over. And what a great night it was. I was pretty darn close on my predictions, and I looked absolutely stunning in my ‘off the shoulder’ Vera Wang rip-away tuxedo and my Jimmy Choo shoes… OK, you caught me in a lie, Continue reading A True ‘Act of Valor’

Lights, Camera, Oscars!

LightsCamerasOscarsTake one more walk with me and Oscar through the glorious world of cinema. 

Welcome back to part three of of my three-part series on Oscar!

Not familiar with Oscar? Well, I’m NOT talking about 1995’s “fighter of the year” Oscar De La Hoya. I’m NOT talking about Sesame Street’s trash can slumdog, Oscar “The Grouch.” And I’m NOT talking about the famous fashion designer Oscar De La Renta (although, he may be who I’m wearing tonight).

Continue reading Lights, Camera, Oscars!