‘J. Edgar’ Snoozer

[xrr rating=2.25/5]
J.EdgarThis movie should have been called just “Hoover”… because it sucked.

It’s Friday night and “Twilight: Breaking Dawn” has just hit the theatres. Tweenie-boppers are everywhere at the cineplex, all hopped up and fired up to catch their first glimpse of Robert Pattinson, who plays Edward Cullen (aka “pale vampire”), and that other guy in the movie who plays Jacob (aka “shirtless werewolf”). But not me, I’m way too mature for that. I’m off to see a grown up film. I’m seeing “J. Edgar.” Continue reading ‘J. Edgar’ Snoozer

Big-Name Actors Score with ‘Tower Heist’

TowerHeistIs “Tower Heist” worth its weight in gold? I say, it’s a steal!

In the wonderful and glamorous world of professional movie reviewing, one may think that I just see the movie, then tell you about it.

But no, no, no. That’s not how I do it. I get into the slop! I roll around and I listen to what the buzz is on the film I’m seeing. I hit the theatre early, I hover around the ticket line, then I ask what people are seeing. Some people have no problems chatting with me about movies, while others look at me in my “movie slippers,” my hoodie pulled over my head, and my “man-bag” draped over my arm, (its European) and they pretty much, “head for zee hills!” Continue reading Big-Name Actors Score with ‘Tower Heist’

Timberlake Not Quite “In Time”

[xrr rating=3.5/5]
InTimeThe sci-fi guy reviews the sci-fi thriller with Justin Timberlake at the helm.

Ask any of the great ones – Shallit, Ebert, Roeper – and all of them have had the same problem that I have run into tonight. I’ve seen three movies this week and and I can only review one.

This fork in the road is causing my dilemma: Should I go left and review “The Rum Diary,” starring the dreamy Johnny Depp? Or maybe I should take the middle road and review “Paranormal Activity 3,” starring a guy who looks like Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’abate from the Howard Stern show. Then there is the right road, a road with Justin Timberlake driving the vehicle, “In Time.”

Now, if I know my loyal fans well, (which I think I do) then they would want me to review “The Rum Diary”… So I will be reviewing “In Time.” Continue reading Timberlake Not Quite “In Time”

BEWARE ‘The Ides of March!’

TheIdesofMarchCan politics be corrupt, sleazy, and downright wrong? Yup, read this review.

Well, it’s been a busy week in politics. World politics, state politics, and even local politics. None of it looking good, and all of it could be made into a feature film. But the politics I’m going to talk about is “movie” politics.

This weekend, while the political world was rapidly crashing down around me, I managed to make my way to the local cineplex to catch a political drama. That film was “The Ides of March.”

“The Ides of March” is the fourth film to be directed by the political (and overwhelmingly handsome) George Clooney. Clooney does not disappoint with this film (unlike “Leatherheads,” in which he did disappoint… greatly). Continue reading BEWARE ‘The Ides of March!’

Take Me Out To The ‘Moneyball’ Game!

MoneyBallCan Brad Pitt’s life get any better? The quick answer: yes (and it does with this film).

All the buzz down at the cineplex this weekend has been about the new Brad Pitt driven vehicle, “Moneyball.” I asked theatre-goers, much like myself, if a sports movie that’s not really based on the actual game, could work as a film. Could it? As I perused the extremely long line to get into the first showing I realized that anything Brad Pitt puts his stamp on is at the very least going to generate interest, and at the very most going to generate boat-loads of income… Once again, Brad Pitt does not disappoint. Continue reading Take Me Out To The ‘Moneyball’ Game!

Take Me Out To The ‘Moneyball’ Game!

Can Brad Pitt’s life get any better? The quick answer: yes (and it does with this film).

All the buzz down at the cineplex this weekend has been about the new Brad Pitt driven vehicle, “Moneyball.” I asked theatre-goers, much like myself, if a sports movie that’s not really based on the actual game, could work as a film. Could it? As I perused the extremely long line to get into the first showing I realized that anything Brad Pitt puts his stamp on is at the very least going to generate interest, and at the very most going to generate boat-loads of income… Once again, Brad Pitt does not disappoint.

“Moneyball” is modeled from a book written by Bill James about forming a baseball team based on statistics alone.

Billy Beane (Brad Pitt) is the Oakland A’s general manager back in the early 2000’s. He is trying to find a way of putting a highly competitive baseball team on the field while working with measly player salary limits. Let me give you some numbers: The A’s player salary limit that year was roughly 38 million. The Yankee’s (I HATE THE YANKEES!) players’ salary that year was roughly 114 million dollars. Beane realizes that he has to go about this another way to be competitive with the big boys, so he hires Peter Brand.

Peter Brand (played by Jonah Hill) is a young Yale graduate who is great with numbers and statistics. He teaches Billy Beane that players in the MLB are extremely undervalued and are just left out in the scrap heap for anyone to grab at cheap money. Beane goes “all in” on Brand’s philosophy and forms a team based on stats alone (the major statistic being “on-base percentage”, or OBP). Other big wigs in baseball don’t like this philosophy because it seems to undermine the jobs of baseball scouts.

Now you’d think a movie about numbers could get boring pretty quickly, but it doesn’t. The story flows and the acting is very good. One major reason Brad Pitt films work are because he’s cool to guys, and he’s hot to chicks. That’s what puts butts in those seats at the theatre! (No diss to Jonah Hill, but come on, he’s Brad Pitt!!!)

The thing I loved about this movie is that I got to see many baseball players that I knew from our beloved “Soxies.” Scott Hatteberg, Chad Bradford, Jeremy Giambi and Kevin “YOUUUUUUUK” Youkilis are just a few (note: they are played by other actors).

The thing I didn’t like about this movie was, they were showing a lot of the games that I lost some serious money on (note: I was a big-time gambler back in the day).

If I had to “baseball cliche” this movie for you, I would have to say, “This film hits a homerun!” Way to go Brad Pitt, you got another winner on your hands… Can his life get any better?

Love always,

Matty W. Kelley

I am the ‘WARRIOR’

WarriorLet’s get ready to rumble!!!!!

There are a lot of great “fighter” movies out there. Rocky’s I through IV (NOT Rocky V) and Rocky Balboa, Bloodsport, The Fighter and, of course my favorite, Fight Club. Well, now you can add another one to the list: “Warrior.”

Warrior is a not just a story about the world of mixed martial arts and octogons, but also a story of a broken family trying to regain some semblance of being a family that still loves each other. Continue reading I am the ‘WARRIOR’

Contagion

ContagionIs this movie “good for the soul” or “head for the bowl”?

It seems that every time I head out into the streets of Norwood, flocks of adoring fans are rushing up and asking me two specific questions: First, “Mr. Kelley, can I get your autograph?” (which I always oblige) and second, “Matty, how come you’ve never given a movie a bad review before?” Well folks, today’s your lucky day.

Tuesday night I couldn’t sleep so I decided at 9:45 p.m. to throw on my movie slippers and head on down to my home away from home, the cinema. I had a couple movies in mind to see and I said to myself, “Whichever one is playing first will be the one I see.” My choices were between “Contagion” and “Warrior.” Contagion was playing at 10:05, so that was the lucky movie that received my undivided attention. Continue reading Contagion

Columbiana vs. Irene

ColombianaThere are some strong women in this world. Can “Columbiana” pack a punch, or is “Irene” dropping the hammer?

It was a frighteningly stormy Sunday morning. This wacko named “Irene” had been working her way up the coast and had just entered the peaceful town of Norwood, Mass. I looked out the window, and I’m not kidding you, crazy Irene was snapping tree branches like they were toothpicks! She was tossing lawn furniture like Bobby Knight coaching at an Indiana Hoosiers basketball game! At one point I think I saw a cow fly by my sliding glass door, just like a scene out of “Twister.” I could feel it in my bones, this lady was coming for me. Continue reading Columbiana vs. Irene

Help! Help! Oh, it’s The Help

TheHelpThe Help… I hear it’s a great book. I know it’s a great movie.

HELP! HELP! HELP!!!! Yes, that’s right, today I am reviewing the movie “The Help.”

I’ve had many, many girlfriends (both past and present… and some future) come up to me and say, “This is one great book,” and I can’t believe that they made a book out of this excellent movie! But being a professional movie reviewer, I can firmly say that the movie is ALWAYS better than the book. Let me give you an example: when I was younger I read the comic book “Transformers.” Now granted it was a great book, but it didn’t even come close to the movie! That’s just one example, there are many more out there. But I digress, back to the review. Continue reading Help! Help! Oh, it’s The Help