There are some strong women in this world. Can “Columbiana” pack a punch, or is “Irene” dropping the hammer?
It was a frighteningly stormy Sunday morning. This wacko named “Irene” had been working her way up the coast and had just entered the peaceful town of Norwood, Mass. I looked out the window, and I’m not kidding you, crazy Irene was snapping tree branches like they were toothpicks! She was tossing lawn furniture like Bobby Knight coaching at an Indiana Hoosiers basketball game! At one point I think I saw a cow fly by my sliding glass door, just like a scene out of “Twister.” I could feel it in my bones, this lady was coming for me.
I had two options. One, go out the front door and take on “Irene” face to face. Or two, sneak out the back door, jump in my truck and drive to my “happy place.”
I think you all know what I did. I chose two.
Luckily, my “happy place” happens to be the movie theatre.
As I strutted down the hallway and into line, I still hadn’t figured out which movie to see. As I looked up at the movie ticker, a little film named “Columbiana” caught my eye. I had seen previews and it looked interesting, so I decided on that one.
Well, let me tell you, Irene couldn’t hold a candle to “Columbiana,” (whose real name in the movie is Cataleya).
The film is about a little girl in Columbia who watches her parents get murdered. She escapes from her captors, in heroic fashion, mind you, and flees to America. She reminded me of the girl who played the title character in the movie “Hanna.”
Anyways, she meets up with her “wrong side of the law” uncle, and for the next 15 years she trains to be a deadly assassin. And, good lord, she becomes one bad chick.
Her uncle pays her to kill people that, lets just say, need to be killed. She kills with deadly precision and quite uniquely. Her one issue is that, on the 22 bodies that she has left for dead, she leaves a “tag” – a hint that eventually leads her to the ones that killed her parents 15 years earlier.
The main character is played by the super-smoking hot Zoe Saldana. You may recognize her as the sexy blue alien from the movie “Avatar.” Then again, you may not because she played a sexy blue alien in the movie “Avatar.”
Pretty much all the other actors are unknown (well unknown to me, but they may be well known in Central America, I’m not sure, I’ve never been to Central America) but all are excellent actors.
Now, I’m going to put the two women that I hung out with on Sunday together and tie this review up. “Irene” and “Columbiana” were both very, VERY interesting, and both quite beautiful to watch. But if I have to sum them up in four words or less, I would say, “them girls are crazy!”
I hope you’re enjoying my reviews, because I enjoy writing them.
Godspeed, and NORWOOD HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULES!