Matty’s Oscar Picks: The Ladies

OscarPicks_TheLadiesIt’s Oscar week. Let’s stroll through the Ladies Lounge and pick our “Best Actress” and “Best Supporting Actress” winners.

And… ACTION!

Here we are! My favorite week of the year! Oscar week!

It’s such a busy week for me. I’ve got so much to do. I’ve got to get my hair done. I must get a mani-pedi. I have to work the red carpet, and meet-n-greet with the actors and actresses. And most importantly, I HAVE to get a dress. I don’t want to look all befuddled out there on the biggest night of the year for both myself AND the entertainers.

 

The BIG question: WHO will I be wearing?

Will I be wearing Chanel? Maybe Vercase or Marc Jacobs? Or should I just stick with old reliable and go with Alexander McQueen? All I know is when it come to my shoes, I’ll be wearing my Heelys (you know, the sneakers with the roller-skates that pop out of the bottom… and yes, I truly do have a pair).

Actually, I’ll be wearing Carter’s man-sized feetie pajamas over fire-engine underwear, because THE ACADEMY DIDN’T INVITE ME TO THE SHOW THIS YEAR!!!

You know, after all I do for them throughout the year, being part of the press and all, you’d think they’d send me an invite! But so what, I’m not bitter. I’ll just watch it from where I watched it last year – from my bed, while flipping to “Family Guy” during commercials.

Still, I love the Oscars. This is when I get to sit back and reap the rewards of my labor. I get to see how the other people in my profession feel about the films that we watched throughout the year. I get to see how dumb these other so-called movie reviewers are.

Honestly, I don’t even know who “The Academy” is… but we don’t always see eye-to-eye on everything when it comes to films. “And…that’s…o….k.,” as the great Stuart Smalley used to say.

Movies are about opinions. It’s all about how YOU feel about them. And that’s why I love the movies.

So let’s talk about the movies.

Throughout this week, I will be writing about the major categories at the Oscars. Who I think deserves to win, and who I think the Academy will choose to win. Like I said, me and them ain’t always on the same page, you dig?

Ok then, let’s start off with the fairer sex. The hotter sex. The cooler sex. The prettier sex. Let’s start off with the ladies.

The first category of the night is “Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture Film.”

And the nominees are:

Berenice Bejo… This beautiful foreign import was wonderful in the silent film, “The Artist” (and she’s just so darned cute).

Jessica Chastian… This red-headed beauty from California was in two films this year that are up for “Best Picture”: “The Tree of Life” and also “The Help,” which she is nominated in this catergory for.

Melissa McCarthy… A farmer’s daughter from Illinois, this girl stole the show while stealing laughs in “Bridesmaids.”

Janet McTeer… Straight out of Newcastle, United Kingdom. This wonderful lady was in “Albert Nobbs.” Oops, sorry Janet, you can’t win a “Matty.” I didn’t see your movie… it looked too boring to me.

Octavia Spencer… This darling is a graduate from Auburn University, home of “War Eagle,” and was fantastic in the film “The Help.”

And the award deserves to go to: Melissa McCarthy. She was absolutely hilarious in “Bridesmaids,” especially in the ‘sitting in the sink’ scene. I also love Bejo in “The Artist” (she was just so darned cute).

And the award will go to: Octavia Spencer. The Academy doesn’t like to give awards of this caliber to comedians too often. Maybe they think it’s beneath them. Whatever… McCarthy can always hold her head high and say she won a “Matty.”

The next catergory is: “Best Actress in a Motion Picture Film.”

And the nominees are:

Glenn Close… A New England native (Conn.), Glenn Close is screwed in this category, because Glenn Close was also in “Albert Nobbs.” I hear she played a man. If it’s any consolation, I loved her in “Mars Attacks.”

Viola Davis… Wow, she grew up in Central Falls, R.I… I did not know this. Anyhow, she was a rock in “The Help.”

Rooney Mara… The grandaughter of N.Y. Giants football founder Tim Mara, and also the grandaughter of Pittsburg Steelers founder Art Rooney, she is the reason “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” is such a great and disturbing film.

Meryl Streep… She is Hollywood royalty, and in the film “The Iron Lady,” she is England’s first female Prime Minister.

Michelle Williams… This cute girl has come a long way from “Dawson’s Creek.” She was beautiful portraying Ms. Monroe in “My Week With Marilyn.”

And the award deserves to go to: Rooney Mara. Mara really had to work at getting into the sick and demented mind of Lisbeth Salander. It was a very disturbing role and she grabbed the bull by the horns and and just went for it, and nailed it.

And the award will go to: Viola Davis. She played a strong character in a strong film… but don’t be surprised if Streep wins it either. The Academy loves her.

So let’s hear it for the girls! It was a solid year for the ladies, and whoever wins, they’ll never be truly happy until they start dating me.

See you at the after-parties.

Matty W. Kelley

Fun Fact: Well, I wanted to give you a ‘Fun Fact’ about women, but after 41 years on this planet, I know absolutely NOTHING about women… except that you are the most beautiful things on this earth.

Fun Matty Fact: If I got to go out on a date, followed up with a make-out session at Inspiration Point with one of the ten nominees, I would probably pick… Berenice Bejo. She wears a cute hat in the movie and it looks so darned cute… and she’s just so darned cute… and she was in the silent film, so she wouldn’t be talking all night long. I’m just kidding!

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *