Welcome back to the third installment in my five part series known as THE MATTY’S, Hollywood’s most legitimate, non-partisan, uncorruptible movie awards show, hosted by yours truly, Matty W. Kelley!
We’ve “reeled” our way through the first two categories with “Best Supporting Actress” honors going to June Squibb for her spunky role in “Nebraska,” and Jared Leto receiving the MATTY statuette for “Best Supporting Actor” for his turn as “Rayon,” the cross-dressing sidekick in “Dallas Buyers Club.”
Congratulations to the both of you.
Tonight the evening belongs to the better half of our species, the ladies. Sure, God did quite well putting “man” together. I mean, look at some of His great works: Pitt, Cruise, Einstien, Denzel, MLK Jr., Lincoln, my brother Doopa, and of course his greatest piece of work, me.
But God was just tinkering around when He made man. He was like a guy in a doll factory when putting us together. “I’ll put the head here. We’ll give him some big, muscular arms. He’s gonna need some legs. We’ll toss this penis right here…. and done!”
You see, God made man and said, “Wow, not bad!” But after a while He said to himself, “Me damn! I can do WAY BETTER than a man! I’m gonna create a WO-man!”
So God went back to the drawing board and created the most beautiful creature in the universe: The Lady. Perfect in every way. Kinder, sweeter, sexier, smarter, funnier, better curves, and straight up a better speciman than “man.”
I’m sorry guys, they’re better than us. Get used to it. Just look at some of God’s perfect female creations: My Mother, Joan of Arc, Queen Elisabeth I, Janis Joplin, Ellie Roosevelt, Marylin Monroe, Natalie Portman, Meryl Streep, and of course ANYONE named Kate. (Beckinsale, Bosworth, Fitz-Kelley, Winslet, Mara, Kenney, Upton, Hudson, Moss, Lovell, Walsh, Jackson, etc… etc… etc. We could go on forever.)
Which brings us to why I’m talking up the women this evening. Tonight we give out the MATTY to the “Best Actress” of the year.
Let’s go girls!
And the nominations for “Best Actress” in a motion picture film are:
Amy Adams, (American Hustle): Adam’s plays a con-woman with an English accent in this film. And no, you will not win THE MATTY just for bringing an accent to the table. You need more than that, and she delivers more. She is a strong woman in a strong film. Adams has surely grown on me with her performances in “Hustle” and also “Her.”
The Dame, Judi Dench (Philomena): What a wonderful actress this lady is. She delivers a touching performance in “Philomena” as an old woman looking for her son who was taken from her (adopted) when she was just a teenager. Dench brought such warmth and caring to her character that it’s hard to not love her. (and her character.)
Kate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine): Nope.
Everyone who follows THE MATTY’S knows how I feel about Woody Allen films. Sorry Ms. Blanchett, but I disqualify you from this category. It’s not your fault. You are one of my favorite actresses in Hollywood. I just can’t pay money to see a Woody Allen movie. I just can’t get past the “Woody/Soon-Yi” thing. Maybe I’m immature… or maybe he’s immature… But we all know for sure, she was immature.
Sandra Bullock, (Gravity): Great story. Great cinematography. Great acting. Great movie. It’s a powerful film about a strong woman and her will to survive. Bullock knows how to pick her roles. (Except when she signed on to do “All About Steve.” That movie was terrible!)
Meryl Streep, (August: Osage County) Streep is a Hollywood icon. In this film she delivers another iconic performance. She plays a, for lack of a better word… a real bitch. This is a film that needs to be seen for you to completely understand what’s going on. Streep brings in a marvelous performance, but I believe that this film was more of an excellent ensemble performance.
Matty’s snub vote time.
I’m bringing two more nominees to this category… and they’re both from the same film.
Lea Seydoux, (Blue is the Warmest Color): Ledoux plays Emma, a free spirited gal with blue hair who happens to fall in love with a younger girl named Adele. She shows Adele the world and the two fall in love. Seydoux, brought life to her character, along with breathing life into the character opposite her’s. Great performance.
Adele Exarchopoulos, (Blue is the Warmest Color): Adele plays “Adele,” (just a coincedence) a high school girl who is trying to find her way in life. She isn’t into boys. She falls in love with “blue-haired Emma” and they date for years. The relationship gets rocky, and that’s where you see Adele’s acting truly shine. It can’t be easy to be happy one minute, bawling the next minute, and totally nude the next minute. It is a magnificant French film that should be seen. I think it got snubbed at the Oscars for “Best Pic” and “Best Foriegn Language Film.”
There’s your SEVEN nominees.
And the MATTY for “Best Actress” goes to:
Adele Exarchopoulos!
Yes, that’s a first in this category! A girl wins THE MATTY, and isn’t even nominated for an Oscar in the same category! (and that’s why THE MATTY’S are the best… We at “The Matty Academy” award those who we feel deserve the award, not just the big Hollywood names.)
Who WILL WIN the Oscar: Sandra Bullock.
Who SHOULD WIN the Oscar: Amy Adams.
There you have it. Three MATTY Awards down, two to go. Gotta love them ladies.
Next week, “Best Actor.”
“I’m Matty W. Kelley, for A Seat Apart Productions reporting. Good night and God speed.”