As I sit here this evening in front of my computer, I can’t help but ponder the age old question of which film to write a review on. Should I compose an article on the “awfully good” film I saw over the weekend? Or should I scribe about the “terribly bad” film I saw over the Memorial Day holiday?
Well, I’ll tell you right now that it’s a hell of a lot easier to pen a column about a bad film. It’s quite easy to tear apart a movie that seemed to not care about their movie-going public and only cared about the almighty dollar. Do you know what movie I’m talking about?
Yes, I saw “Hangover III” this weekend…and it was depressingly rotten.
I don’t know what they were thinking when they decided to make this film. Oh wait, I do know what they were thinking, they were thinking of “cashing in” one more time at the expense of us lemmings who thought that maybe, just maybe
they had a script, a clue, and a laugh left in them. They had none of this whatsoever.
Know what they did have? A giraffe that didn’t even look real. It looked like it was drawn on the screen. It had actors that seemed to not even want to be there. And it had Ken Jueng, the most annoying man on the planet, next to myself. (Ask my friends, they’ll vouch for me that I am quite annoying.)
You know what it didn’t have? A HANGOVER!!! Yup, NO BOOZE! This movie shouldn’t have been called “The Hangover”, it should’ve been called “The Carjacking” or “The Abduction”, because that’s what it was. And when the Wolfpack does get abducted, it isn’t even funny! They just get bumped off the road and then… and then…… You know what? I’m done telling you about this lame movie, it’s ticking me off! There’s enough “bad” in this world, I don’t need to tell you about “more bad” at the movie theatre.
Let’s get to some good, whaddya say?
This weekend I saw a WICKED AWESOME flick called “The Fast and the Furious 6”. Now, I know what you’re saying: “Is Matty out of his mind? He didn’t like “The Hangover III” but he loved “Fast 6”? Well meatballs, I’ll answer that for you… Yes I am completely out of my mind. I have been tested numerous times, and yes, I am certifiably insane. But not on this folks. Not on my reviews of these two films. “The Hangover III” was ridiculous, (as in “bad”) and “Fast 6” was ridiculous! (as in great!)
I’ll just quickly run “Fast 6” down for you. Dom (Vin Diesel) and Brian (Paul Walker) are called in by Agent Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) to help him capture some psycho mercinary. But the only way the car-loving nerds will help is if they can get full pardons for them AND their crew. (They’re still on the lam.)
Then the story really takes off… Alright, the plot is okay, I mean, it ain’t Arnold Schwartzenegger’s “Total Recall”, but it works. All you have to do is suspend reality for a couple of hours and you’ll love it! It’s great. At one point, Vin Diesel can actually fly! (Yeah, fly!) I’m telling you, it was out of this world!
And once again, the cars are beautiful. and the girls too. But the most impressive were the aerial scenes from above a bridge. The camerawork was wonderful. Whoever was filming these shots got great footage of an incredible scene on that structure.
Let’s get to some actors.
First off, you can NEVER go wrong with Vin Diesel. He’s just perfect for the part of Dominic Toretto. He’s tough… He’s bald… He’s VIN “FREEKIN” DIESEL! He can just keep on making these films and he’ll be set for life.
Paul Walker. Good actor… But I know what he’s there for. He’s eye-candy for the chicks.
Jordana Brewster. Sweet little actress… But I know what she’s there for. She’s eye-candy for the dudes.
Dwayne Johnson. “The Rock” has come a long way since being the Brahma Bull in the WWE. He’s become a solid actor that many producers like putting in their films. The guy pulls in audiences. (See “Pain and Gain”, “G.I. Joe” and “Snitch”… and those are just this year’s films.)
Michelle Rodriguez. Michelle has also come a long way since being in the WWE… Oh, she was never in the WWE? Well, you could’ve fooled me, because she scares the crap out of me. But honestly, I think she’s kinda hot. She’s got a look to her that say two things to me: 1. I want her. And 2. Run Matty, Run!
Sung Kang. He played Han, a great friend of the crew, from Tokyo. He’s a great actor, with a handsome look to him, but I only know him from these films.
What’s a movie without comedy? Chris “Ludacris” Bridges and Tyrese Gibson added some comedic flair to the film. (and some good acting too.) Whenever scenes seemed to be tensing up, these two were there to loosen the load. These were two funny black people.
Sadly, this film was missing one more Black though…. Lucas. You may remember Lucas Black from “The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift”. Now, this film (Part 6) had every other character from ALL the other movies in this film, so why not Lucas Black? Personally, I think that “Tokyo Drift may be the best of all “The Fast and Furious’s”! I was kind of bummed out he wasn’t in it, but what can I do? Maybe I’ll write a letter to: ‘To whom it may concern at the Fast and the Furious’. (For all you who don’t know who Lucas Black is, he played Pee-Wee Reece in this years “42”.)
So let’s review… “The Hangover III” made me ‘tokyo drift’ off to sleep, and ” The Fast and the Furious 6″ put the pedal to the metal!
RIDE OR DIE!
So there you have it, another insane review from an insane movie reviewer. You’ve just been Matty-fied!
Matty W. Kelley, A Seat Apart Productions, reporting.
Fun Fact: Michelle Rodriguez did not have a licence when she began filming the original “The Fast and the Furious” back in 2001…. (Oddly enough, neither did I.)
Fun Matty Fact: I like fast cars and fast women… Unfortunately, I have neither. But I do have a red Ford pick-up truck with dual radio knobs, overead roof, matching floormats, circular steering wheel, and a smart-start breathalizer machine that keeps me honest… (Which may also be my smartest and favorite investment.)