Category: Movie Reviews

Oz, The Weak and Pitiful.

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OzOk, that may be a little too harsh of a headline, but this prequel doesn’t even come close to the original “Oz”.

“We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz.”

See, just reading that first sentence makes me want to belt out that song. You know why? Because, because, because, because, because! Because of the wonderful things he does! Now, I bet I got all four of you reading this article singing that song right now. And why wouldn’t you? It’s a classic, much like the original “Wizard of Oz”.

And let me tell you before the twister even hits, that “Oz, The Great and Powerful” does not live up to 1939 classic starring Judy Garland and her ruby red slippers. Continue reading Oz, The Weak and Pitiful.

Roger Ebert

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RogerEbertRoger Ebert was a great man, a great mentor and a great movie reviewer.

We all have heroes. Every single one of us does. We all look at our parents as heroes. As children, our moms and dads were the ones who protected us, clothed us, fed us, and kept us out of trouble. There are also people who protect us as a nation. America’s heroes, the soldiers fighting for us abroad. These people are the REAL heroes. After them, you could move on to our country’s forefathers: Washington, Lincoln, FDR, and my personal favorite, our ninth president, William Henry Harrison. Sure, he only served 32 days in office, but he did have the best nickname: “Old Tippecanoe”. (Hey, I’m all about nicknames, ok Meatball?)

Now we get into an area where we select our heroes based on what we enjoy. For instance, I know many men and women who live, eat, sleep, and breathe sports. Ask any jock who their heroes are and their answers will be, Jordan, Orr, Teddy Williams, Jackie Robinson (for many reasons with him, he’s in a league of his own.) Bird, Brady, Gretsky, Montana, Pedro or Ken Griffey Jr. And that’s just a few. Continue reading Roger Ebert

Spring Breakers

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SpringBreakersI totally loved this movie.

Joe Francis deserves to be paid royalties for this movie… You know why? Because half of this film is a complete rip-off of his straight to dvd, “Girls Gone Wild” videos.

And the other half of this film is a mesmerizing look into the seedy world of sex, drugs, alcohol, and gangstas while on spring break in Florida.

Put those two elements together and you’ve got yourself one powerful, sexual, and extra-terrestrial film… And I totally loved it.

Now, I will tell you right from the start that this film is not for everyone. It is definitely not for children. It is also not for old fogies who are out of touch with reality. This is a film with a lot of illegal activity going on in it. And once again, I totally loved this film.

But it was definitely not what I expected. Continue reading Spring Breakers

Ironman 3

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Ironman 3“Ironman 3” is a fantastic film, but if you’re going to see it soon, don’t read my review… YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

Robert Downey Jr. has made some
mistakes in his life. He’s been hooked on drugs, and drugs and booze,
(and drugs) and has also done a lengthy stint in jail. Does this make
him a bad man? Absolutely not. We’ve all made mistakes. (Some more
 than others.) Making mistakes is part of life. Some of my mistake have actually been the best parts of my life… And some have been the worst. But there’s no doubt about it, we all make mistakes. It’s what you do after to fix them that mold you into a better man. Hell, if I was to write an article on all my mistakes, this column would be called “Matty’s Major Malfunctions” and not “Matty’s Movies”… And you know what? I could pen a novel with all the screw-ups that I have created, and trust me, you would love it. I’m talking “best seller” material. Continue reading Ironman 3

Colin Farrell is solid in “Dead Man Down”.

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DeadManDownThe highly anticipated prequel to “The Wizard of Oz” finally hit theatres this weekend, so I rushed right out and saw “Dead Man Down”. It’s not that I didn’t want to see “Oz, The Great and Powerful”, it’s just that the previews to this Colin Farrell vehicle looked quite entertaining to me. And my fellow Irish Assassin did not disappoint. To me, Mr. Farrell does not get enough props in Hollywood for his acting.And it’s not just his acting either. This man knows how to pick his scripts. Alright, he may have missed with “Miami Vice”… And “Daredevil” was weak, but at least he was a standout as the evil villian ‘Bullseye’ in that film. The rest of that movie reeked of foulness. (Sorry Benji Affleck and Jenny Garner, but honestly, it wasn’t good.) Continue reading Colin Farrell is solid in “Dead Man Down”.

The Fast And Furious Hangover

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TheFastandFuriousHangoverAs I sit here this evening in front of my computer, I can’t help but ponder the age old question of which film to write a review on. Should I compose an article on the “awfully good” film I saw over the weekend? Or should I scribe about the “terribly bad” film I saw over the Memorial Day holiday?

Well, I’ll tell you right now that it’s a hell of a lot easier to pen a column about a bad film. It’s quite easy to tear apart a movie that seemed to not care about their movie-going public and only cared about the almighty dollar. Do you know what movie I’m talking about?

Yes, I saw “Hangover III” this weekend…and it was depressingly rotten. Continue reading The Fast And Furious Hangover

I adore, mi ‘Amour’.

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AmourIt took me some time to ‘amour’ this film, but after thinking about it for a few days, I really do ‘amour’ it.

I’m back!

It’s been somewhat of a lengthy hiatus since I’ve sat down and written an actual review on a movie, you know, with all the hoopla that surrounds “The Mattys”. But that is exactly what I am going to do today. I’m not saying that I despise “The Mattys” or anything like that, it’s just that I’ve seen so many movies since January 1st and haven’t been able to review any of them because of all the time and effort we have had to put in down at the ‘Matty Academy’ just to make “The Mattys” go off without a hitch. And there have been some movies that deserve to be reviewed, like “Texas Chainsaw 3D”. I kid you not, this could be the worst horror film in the history of horror films. (And I’ve seen “Human Centipede”!) This film absolutely deserved a “Matty lashing”. But alas, my awards show deserved the focus we gave it, and “The Mattys” were a rousing success. Thank you all for coming.

Now let’s review a movie!

Continue reading I adore, mi ‘Amour’.

‘The Mattys’ (Part V)

And ‘The Matty’ for Best Picture goes to……

We’ve made it! We have FINALLY made it to the top, the peak, the apex, the pinnacle … We are there, standing at the summit of ‘THE MATTYS’! The ridiculous movie awards show brought to you by the “Matty Academy”, and hosted by none other than the one and only, Matty W. Kelley.

It’s been a LONG journey up the face of Mount Matty. I honestly thought of quitting and just sledding back down the hill, but like the dedicated movie reviewer that I am, I dug my spikes in and kept inching my way to the tippity top. You see, writing these columns (The Mattys) gets tedious after a while. I didn’t realize that when giving out awards, USUALLY the same freeking films are up for every award! That makes it tough. I mean, how many different ways can I tell you how great a film “Flight” was and keep it interesting and organic? Or how INCORRECT everyone is on how excellent a film “Silver Linings Playbook” was? (It’s not award worthy.) Or how ‘sing-songy’ “Les Mis” was? I think you catch my drift here, but let’s do it one more time anyway for the most prestigious award of “THE MATTYS”. Continue reading ‘The Mattys’ (Part V)

‘Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away’

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‘Cirque du Soleil’ is a major mind trip for your brain. Who out there wants to drop some acid?

Have I got your attention? Alright then, let me re-phrase the question. Who out there wants to feel like they’ve dropped some acid BUT don’t want to worry about the side effects that follow actually taking acid? Who doesn’t want the hangover, the depression, the cottonball mouth, the possibility of waking up in jail, and the fact that it is illegal? What would you say if I told you that I could take you to a place where you would feel like you were tripping on acid but you really weren’t? Would you take that trip? Continue reading ‘Cirque du Soleil: Worlds Away’