Author: Matty W. Kelley

“Argo” is a powerful film that will place you right back into the Iranian hostage crisis.

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ArgoWhere were you Nov. 4, 1979? I’m not sure where I was. Maybe I was playing in the back yard, flying my hula-hoop spaceship with my brothers. I was Commander Rom, and my brother Andy was Captain Juno, and I forget what Doopa’s character’s name was, but we were some imaginative children.

Maybe I wasn’t flying my hula-hoop spaceship at all. Maybe my brothers and I were pulling on our “Stretch Arm Strong” doll until all the jelly poured out of the inside of it.

Or maybe, just maybe, my mother sent me to Friendly’s to pick up a tuna fish sandwich for the nice old lady that lived in my attic,named Catherine Connolley. I’d bring her up the sandwich and she’d always give me a bite. I loved those tuna fish sandwiches. Until one day when I found out that “tuna fish” was fish. (How did I not put that together?) You see, I had a fish-stick once when I was little and I absolutely hated it. I made a vow with myself to never eat fish again. Continue reading “Argo” is a powerful film that will place you right back into the Iranian hostage crisis.

Skyfall

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SkyfallJames Bond will leave you “shaken, not stirred” with his newest film… wait a minute, that makes no sense at all! “Skyfall” is a good movie. (Yeah, that’ll work.)

 

Is Daniel Craig the best Bond ever? Let’s figure it out. We’ve had at least six actors play secret agent 007 that I know of. There has been Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, George Lazenby, Pierce Brosnan, Sean Connery and currently Daniel Craig. Right off the bat I can tell you it isn’t Lazenby because I don’t even know who that is. It isn’t Moore or Dalton either because, much like Lazenby, who the hell are they? (But at least I’ve heard of them.) Sad to say this because I like him, but it isn’t Brosnan. Brosnan’s dashing good looks and his “Rico Suave” style may fit for Bond, but all I see is his TV persona, Remmington Steele. (No relation to Lexington Steele.) Continue reading Skyfall

Flight

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Flight“Flight” takes you on an upside down thrill ride followed up by a character driven tour de force named Denzel.

Robert Zemeckis is the man! Why is he the man? Because he has directed some of the most entertaining films of my generation.

Just look at his directorial resume: “Forrest Gump,” “Cast Away,” “The Polar Express,” (wow, that’s a lot of Tom Hanks movies) and one of my underrated favorites “Contact.” But he is “the man” because he gave us “Back to the Future.” Then followed that up with parts II and III. This is quite possibly my second favorite trilogy of all time, of course right behind “Star Wars.” But could Mr. Zemeckis do it again and overwhelm me with another wonderful film that has longevity? Short answer, yes he could. And he does with the film “Flight.” Continue reading Flight

‘Alex Cross’

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AlexCrossGuess who will be caught making-out with John Carter at this years Razzie Awards? That’s right, Alex Cross.

Ok folks, we’re jumping right into this movie review, feet first.

First off, I am wondering why the hell this movie wasn’t called “Tyler Perry’s: Alex Cross”? Every single movie, or television show, or anything for that fact, that this narcissist has ever been in, has always started off with the two words “Tyler Perry’s…” (Trust me, I know a narcissist when I see one… I am one, just ask me.) Have you ever noticed this? Take a look, Tyler Perry’s “Madea’s Family Reunion,” Tyler Perry’s “Meet The Browns,” Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married Too,” Tyler Perry’s “House of Payne.” I was driving through town yesterday and I think I saw a van that said “Tyler Perry’s Plumbing and Heating” and a restaurant that said “Tyler Perry’s Chipotle.” I mean, this guy will put his name on anything! Continue reading ‘Alex Cross’

‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’

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ThePerksOfBeingaWallflowerI may have found my contender for this year’s “Best Picture” award at the Oscars.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. The movie is ALWAYS better than the book. I can’t stress this enough. You know why it’s always better? Because books suck. They make me dizzy, and they take too long to read. I’ve told you this many times before. I’ve given up on books. As a matter of fact, I’ve never really even given books a chance. The only book I’ve ever read from cover to cover was “Return of the Jedi,” and I read that one from BACK cover to FRONT cover! Maybe it’s because I’m a lefty and it’s easier to flip the pages from back to front. (I read magazines the same way.) Or maybe it was because I wanted to see how “Star Wars” ended and I’m an immature and impatient child who needs the answer right away. But either way I started with the last chapter and LOVED how it ended, so I went to the chapter before. Loved that chapter too. Next thing I knew it was six months later and I had just finished my first ‘grown-up’ book ever… in seventh grade homeroom reading period… backwards!

I swore off books after that fiasco and haven’t looked back since. Continue reading ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’

‘Looper’ is Super!

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LooperWould you like to read a loopy review, from a loopy reviewer, about the loopy movie called “Looper”?

Do you ever think back to your childhood and remember what you used to watch on TV? I do. I can clearly remember sitting in front of the tube with my sisters and brothers and watching Sesame Street. I remember Big Bird walking down the street and strutting on into the corner store and saying “Good morning Mr. Looper!” and then the owner screaming “It’s Hooper! IT’S HOOPER!” Do any of you remember this? Well anyways, it has NOTHING to do with this review of the movie “Looper.” I just needed a paragraph to segway into this movie review. Continue reading ‘Looper’ is Super!

The Master

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TheMaster“I am the master… of disaster.”

“And the Film Critics Choice Award for ‘Picture of the Year’ goes to… ‘The Master.'”

“I would also like to say that the film critic from the Norwood Patch, better known as the best movie reviewer in the country, (if not the world) Matty W. Kelley, wholeheartedly DISAGREES with this award going to the film, ‘The Master.'”

And do you know why I disagree? Because film critics on the whole are snobby, snotty, snooty, uppity nitwits who think they can see something in a film that us common folk can’t see… or understand… or grasp. They’re abstract thinkers, and we’re downright too dumb to think on their level. We just country bumpkins. Continue reading The Master

ParaNorman

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ParaNormanLet’s just call this film “ParaBoring.”

Every so often I like to review children’s movies just so I can keep my young readers entertained. I also review them so all of you parents out there can figure out if you should take your children to these films. This week I saw “ParaNorman.” Should you go see it? Well that’s what we’re going to find out.

It was Sunday afternoon and Stephen Gostowski just shanked the game winning field goal attempt for the Patriots. I was depressed. But not as depressed as I would’ve been had I put a thousand dollars on the game. You see, that’s a whole different type of depression. That’s a “gun-in-the-mouth” depression, and those depressions are the worst. Luckily I haven’t had that itch in a while now. Well, to be truthful, I have had that itch, I just haven’t scratched it in a while. Continue reading ParaNorman

The Norwood Theatre Brings Back Memories

NorwoodMovieTheaterA special, Matty’s Movies look at the newly reopened Norwood Theatre.

Who wants to take a stroll down memory lane with me? You don’t? Well, too bad because that’s what we’re going to do. So you may as well lace up your hiking boots, do some stretching, and try to keep up. Today we’re going back… back to the NORWOOD MOVIE THEATRE!

You thought the Norwood Theatre was closed? Well, my friend, you would be wrong. After two years of renovation and having lots of money poured into it, the theatre was re-opened Labor Day weekend. Continue reading The Norwood Theatre Brings Back Memories

Premium Rush

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PremiumRushIt takes a strong man to be a bike messenger… It takes an even stronger man to write a movie review about a bike messenger.

Do you want to see a movie about a bike messenger?

That was the question I asked myself. Could a movie about a glorified paperboy hold my interest for two hours? Being a dedicated movie reviewer, and a consumate professional, I said to myself, “I MUST review this film for the people. For MY people.” So I hopped on my “Huffy Thunder 4” bicycle, WITH the banana seat, and I pedalled my scrawny, little, boyish legs to the cineplex and purchased a ticket for the movie “Premium Rush.” Continue reading Premium Rush