[xrr rating=4.25/5]
“Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D” was a terrible movie.
Ok, now that I got that off my chest I can really focus on reviewing a movie. A good movie! And that movie is “2 Guns”.
Before I even get to the movie, I want to talk about the two stars of “2 Guns”. Mark Wahlberg and Denzel Washington. These two actors are at the top of their field. They make movies that both make money AND are critically acclaimed.
Let’s start with Mark Wahlberg. This Boston-bred maddog can pick a script. Seldom does he make a film that bombs. He seems to have a knack at picking modestly budgeted films and turning them into blockbusters. Look at last years “Contraband”. That film cost a modest $40,000,000 to make.(That’s a modest price in a movie budget.) It ended up making almost $67,000,000. That’s a pretty nice $27,000,000 profit. Plus, the movie was a sleeper for me. It was really good!
Same with this years “Pain & Gain”. That flick profitted another $25,000,000. Seeing that it only cost roughly $25,000,000 to make, it doubled its money. Not bad. And it was also a good flick.
Then there was “Ted”. That movie crushed at the box office. It cost $50,000,000 to make and it ended up grossing $219,000,000. That’s a net profit of over 1.7 billion dollars!
Alright, I’ve thrown way too many numbers at you today, so I’ll just say that Wahlberg is a money-maker. He’s a bankable actor, and a pretty darn good one too. Just watch him in his award worthy roles in “The Departed”, “The Fighter” and “Boogie Nights”.
Then there is Denzel Washington. I have this guy ranked in my top 5 ‘Coolest Cats’ in Hollywood. Just like Wahlberg, Denzel makes bank too. Put him in a flick and people are going to see it. “Philadelphia”, “Man on Fire”, “Inside Man”, and “American Gangster” are just a few films in which he is the coolest of the cool.
But you want to know what film of his really got me? Last years “Flight”, where he played a drunken, coked up airline pilot who saves a doomed airliner. (while all wacked out, mind you.) I personally believe that it may have been his best acting role to date… and he’s had MANY great roles. (Just watch “Training Day” or “Remember The Titans”, and you’ll agree with me.) He ended up being nominated for an Oscar for his role as Whip Whitaker in “Flight”, but lost to Abe Lincoln himself, Daniel Day-Lewis.
I could sit here and tell you all about these two fine actors all day long, but then I wouldn’t be doing my job as a professional movie reviewer, now would I?
DEA agent Bobby Beans (Washington) and Naval intelligence officer Michael “Stig” Stigman (Wahlberg) are undercover and trying to infiltrate a large Mexican drug cartel. They’ve been working together for about ten months or so. They are close to breaking the case wide open.
Sounds like your regular cop buddy type movie, doesn’t it? Well, here’s the twist. Neither of them know that the other one is an undercover agent. That’s where it all gets good. When they finally figure this out, neither of them can trust the other. But there is also so much corruption in their units that no one can trust anyone anywhere! So basically, its every man for himself.
Interestingly enough though, theses two realize that they need each other. So it’s teamwork for these two, even if Bobby Beans doesn’t want it that way.
The story jumps between Texas and Mexico, and a few different, sleazy, dirty characters jump in and out of the film. Most notably, Bill Paxton. He’s one dirty CIA agent, and I liked his character. He has been in many films, but this is the first time since “Weird Science” that he reminded me of Chet from that movie. (I loved Chet! He was such a dink.)
Also in this film was a solid actor named James Marsden. He played a dirty Naval officer named Quince. He did well. But if I got to say what I really liked him in, it would have to be as Cyclops in “X-Men”. I love a good superhero movie. (And don’t tell anyone this, but I REALLY liked him in “27 Dresses”… If my buddies ever found out I liked that movie, they’d never let me live it down.)
And one more actor for you. Her name is Paula Patton, and holy smokes is she hot. You’ve seen her in “Precious” (No, she wasn’t Precious) and in “Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol”. She is a very good actress, but one thing I noticed about her is that her expression sometimes seems like she’s almost smirking, even when it’s a serious scene. Now this may just be me, but that’s what I’m seeing. Sometimes I’ll look in the mirror at myself and I’ll try to act serious and I can see the same thing happening with me. Like, I’ll pretent to act by saying to the mirror “Gimme the ‘bleeping’ money or I’ll blow your ‘bleeping’ head off you ‘bleeping’ ‘bleep’!”…. And damn! I’m kind of scared, BUT I kind of can see myself smirking a little. (just a weird, little grin.) Eh, maybe its just me and no one else can see it her doing it. Either way, she’s a great actress and an even prettier woman. (Yeah, that’s the superficial side of me speaking right now.)
Oh, and here’s one more thing about Paula Patton. Her father-in-law is Alan Thicke, Mike Seaver’s dad from “Growing Pains”. You all remember Mike Seaver, right? His best friend’s nickname was Boner! Ahh, that was a good show… Oh, and another thing, her husband is Robin Thicke. Yup, the man with the #1 song in the nation right now. It’s called “Blurred Lines” and it’s an incredible song. I totally love it. And I love the video. You should watch the unedited video, (especially if you’re a lonely, single man) it’s dynamite.
Sorry, once again I went WAY off track here. Did I like “2 Guns”? Absolutely. Wahlberg was great as a “smooth with the ladies” undercover agent. And Denzel…. well he’s Denzel. He’s cool as a cucumber in a refridgerator. Denzel can do no wrong. And listen, the story was easy to follow too. Sometimes you need a movie like this where you can just go in to the theatre and enjoy yourself.
I give this film 2 Guns up.
Matty W. Kelley, ‘A Seat Apart Productions’, reporting.
Fun Fact: Some people may not know this fact, but Bill Paxton played a punk leader that messes with Arnold Schwarzenegger in the original “Terminator”. The scene goes like this:
Punk leader: “Nice night for a walk, eh?”
Terminator: “Nice night for a walk.”
Punk leader: “No clean clothes. Wash Day.”
Terminator: “Your clothes, give them to me, now.”
Punk leader: “Bleep you bleephole!”
Terminator: “Bleep you bleephole.”
Then the Terminator puts his fist through his chest! Its such a great scene… I’m sorry, I didn’t do it justice. Go Youtube that scene, it’s awesome.
(Note: I took out the swear words and replaced them with ‘bleeps’.)
Fun Matty Fact: So far, the leader in the clubhouse with “worst film of the year” is “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D”. Have I mentioned that yet?