Month: February 2015

The Mattys 2015: “Best Picture”

golden noseDirector:

“Ok everyone, let’s get ready for the final scene! This is it! The martini shot! Time to air Matty’s biggest “Big Nose” of the night! Let’s make this finale a great one!
Cue the cameramen! Cue the Production and Art Departments! Cue the grips! Cue the Best Boy! Q the Bert! And most importantly, cue the P.A.s! We need those G.D. P.A.s, stat!
Ok Matty, you’re on! Let’s do this!

And remember, I love you. I always have.”

“Go for Matty in 3… 2… 1…”

(Matty stares mesmerized at his female director).

Matty:

“Huh??? Um… Ok… we’re back…

(Matty again stares oddly at his director).

I mean, WE’RE BACK!
Here we are, back at The Matty Awards! And what a show it has been so far! We’ve given out a lot of Golden Noses tonight, and we’re not done yet. We still have to give out our Biggest Beak of the evening: “Best Picture.” Continue reading The Mattys 2015: “Best Picture”

The Matty’s- 2015: “Best Actor”

golden noseAlright now, we’re getting down to the nitty-gritty. Three MATTY’S down, two to go.

I’m your host, Matty W. Kelley, and we are here to give out the MATTY for “Best Actor.”

But before we do I want to tell you that I saw “50 shades of Grey” this weekend, and boy was I surprised. It was better than what I expected and WAY BETTER than the book (because books suck). I went in thinking I would see some soft-core porno but there was actually a half decent story to it, and some pretty good acting too. I can guarantee you it won’t win a MATTY next year, but what the hey, I was entertained. (I gave it 2.5 out of 5 Giant Noses.)

Back to the awards show!

Tonight I am giving out my “Best Actor” award to whom I think performed above and beyond their expectations. Now there were a lot of great performances this past year, but only one man can walk away with his “nose” held high.

Who will it be?

And the nominees are: Continue reading The Matty’s- 2015: “Best Actor”

The Matty’s- 2015: “Best Actress”

golden nose
Back from commercial in 3…2…1… (Cue Matty!)

…And we’re back at the MATTY AWARDS, the awards show that all of the Hollywood elite are talking about. As a matter of fact, I just overheard tonight’s Best Supporting Actor winner, J.K. Simmons say to Jessica Chastain that the only award he’s ever wished to win has been “Matty’s Golden Nostrils.”
Well, J.K., I’m happy that you finally received your “Golden Snout.” Congrats.

Ok, back to it, I’m your host Matty W. Kelley and it’s high time we move on to our next category, Best Actress.

Personally, I find this category the sexiest of all the categories. You gotta love the ladies.

And the nominees are: Continue reading The Matty’s- 2015: “Best Actress”

The Matty’s- 2015: “Best Supporting Actor”

golden nose The Matty’s 2015: Best Supporting Actor

Welcome back to The Matty Awards. I’m your host, Matty W. Kelley and I’m the second best movie reviewer in the world.
Our previous category, Best Supporting Actress was a tough one. I’d like to say congratulations to Maggie Gyllenhall on her surprise win over Patricia Arquette in the closest voting margin in the history of “The Matty’s.” Cherish your Golden Nostrils, Ms. Gyllenhall.
Let’s get right into the next category, Best Supporting Actor.
And the nominees are: Continue reading The Matty’s- 2015: “Best Supporting Actor”