Day: May 21, 2013

The Not So Great Gatsby

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THeNotSoGreatGatsby“The Great Gatsby” is a literary masterpiece…. but I wouldn’t want to read it. Books. What are they good for? Absolutely nothing.

For any of you out there that are fans of my column, you already know how I feel about books. But just in case I’m getting any new, first time readers, I’d like to tell YOU PERSONALLY how I feel about books. Books suck. They’re the worst.

Books are for nerds. And of course, the movie is ALWAYS better than the book.

I can’t stress this point enough, but I’ll try. If I were in prison with Andy Dufresne and “Red” Redding, I would want the warden to shut down ‘Brooks Hall’ and take
all the books (including “The Count of Monte Cristo, by Alexander Dumas) out into the prison yard and have a big old fashioned book-burning party. Continue reading The Not So Great Gatsby

Oz, The Weak and Pitiful.

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OzOk, that may be a little too harsh of a headline, but this prequel doesn’t even come close to the original “Oz”.

“We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz.”

See, just reading that first sentence makes me want to belt out that song. You know why? Because, because, because, because, because! Because of the wonderful things he does! Now, I bet I got all four of you reading this article singing that song right now. And why wouldn’t you? It’s a classic, much like the original “Wizard of Oz”.

And let me tell you before the twister even hits, that “Oz, The Great and Powerful” does not live up to 1939 classic starring Judy Garland and her ruby red slippers. Continue reading Oz, The Weak and Pitiful.

Roger Ebert

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RogerEbertRoger Ebert was a great man, a great mentor and a great movie reviewer.

We all have heroes. Every single one of us does. We all look at our parents as heroes. As children, our moms and dads were the ones who protected us, clothed us, fed us, and kept us out of trouble. There are also people who protect us as a nation. America’s heroes, the soldiers fighting for us abroad. These people are the REAL heroes. After them, you could move on to our country’s forefathers: Washington, Lincoln, FDR, and my personal favorite, our ninth president, William Henry Harrison. Sure, he only served 32 days in office, but he did have the best nickname: “Old Tippecanoe”. (Hey, I’m all about nicknames, ok Meatball?)

Now we get into an area where we select our heroes based on what we enjoy. For instance, I know many men and women who live, eat, sleep, and breathe sports. Ask any jock who their heroes are and their answers will be, Jordan, Orr, Teddy Williams, Jackie Robinson (for many reasons with him, he’s in a league of his own.) Bird, Brady, Gretsky, Montana, Pedro or Ken Griffey Jr. And that’s just a few. Continue reading Roger Ebert

Spring Breakers

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SpringBreakersI totally loved this movie.

Joe Francis deserves to be paid royalties for this movie… You know why? Because half of this film is a complete rip-off of his straight to dvd, “Girls Gone Wild” videos.

And the other half of this film is a mesmerizing look into the seedy world of sex, drugs, alcohol, and gangstas while on spring break in Florida.

Put those two elements together and you’ve got yourself one powerful, sexual, and extra-terrestrial film… And I totally loved it.

Now, I will tell you right from the start that this film is not for everyone. It is definitely not for children. It is also not for old fogies who are out of touch with reality. This is a film with a lot of illegal activity going on in it. And once again, I totally loved this film.

But it was definitely not what I expected. Continue reading Spring Breakers