Month: September 2012

The Master

[xrr rating=3/5]
TheMaster“I am the master… of disaster.”

“And the Film Critics Choice Award for ‘Picture of the Year’ goes to… ‘The Master.'”

“I would also like to say that the film critic from the Norwood Patch, better known as the best movie reviewer in the country, (if not the world) Matty W. Kelley, wholeheartedly DISAGREES with this award going to the film, ‘The Master.'”

And do you know why I disagree? Because film critics on the whole are snobby, snotty, snooty, uppity nitwits who think they can see something in a film that us common folk can’t see… or understand… or grasp. They’re abstract thinkers, and we’re downright too dumb to think on their level. We just country bumpkins. Continue reading The Master

ParaNorman

[xrr rating=2.5/5]
ParaNormanLet’s just call this film “ParaBoring.”

Every so often I like to review children’s movies just so I can keep my young readers entertained. I also review them so all of you parents out there can figure out if you should take your children to these films. This week I saw “ParaNorman.” Should you go see it? Well that’s what we’re going to find out.

It was Sunday afternoon and Stephen Gostowski just shanked the game winning field goal attempt for the Patriots. I was depressed. But not as depressed as I would’ve been had I put a thousand dollars on the game. You see, that’s a whole different type of depression. That’s a “gun-in-the-mouth” depression, and those depressions are the worst. Luckily I haven’t had that itch in a while now. Well, to be truthful, I have had that itch, I just haven’t scratched it in a while. Continue reading ParaNorman

The Norwood Theatre Brings Back Memories

NorwoodMovieTheaterA special, Matty’s Movies look at the newly reopened Norwood Theatre.

Who wants to take a stroll down memory lane with me? You don’t? Well, too bad because that’s what we’re going to do. So you may as well lace up your hiking boots, do some stretching, and try to keep up. Today we’re going back… back to the NORWOOD MOVIE THEATRE!

You thought the Norwood Theatre was closed? Well, my friend, you would be wrong. After two years of renovation and having lots of money poured into it, the theatre was re-opened Labor Day weekend. Continue reading The Norwood Theatre Brings Back Memories

Premium Rush

[xrr rating=3.5/5]
PremiumRushIt takes a strong man to be a bike messenger… It takes an even stronger man to write a movie review about a bike messenger.

Do you want to see a movie about a bike messenger?

That was the question I asked myself. Could a movie about a glorified paperboy hold my interest for two hours? Being a dedicated movie reviewer, and a consumate professional, I said to myself, “I MUST review this film for the people. For MY people.” So I hopped on my “Huffy Thunder 4” bicycle, WITH the banana seat, and I pedalled my scrawny, little, boyish legs to the cineplex and purchased a ticket for the movie “Premium Rush.” Continue reading Premium Rush